A Comparative Analysis of Interviews with
Two Repatriated Military Wives

by Samuel L. Britten, M.S.

February 22, 1993

In two separate interviews, a combination of questions from The Hassles Scale1 and concepts from the 18 Themes of Cross-Cultural Interaction2 were used to identify major areas of concern in the lives of each respective repatriate. These questions set a professional tone to the interviews and acted as icebreakers between the subjects and the researcher. Although it has been 12 years since their return to the United States, both subjects were asked to recall and discuss their feelings and experiences upon reentry.

Both subjects are middle-aged females who lived in Europe for three to four years due to their husband's assignments as members of the U.S. Army, and, who returned to the United States in the early 1980's. Both women were teenagers when they married their current husbands, had children living overseas with them, and had experienced many culturally diverse relocations prior to the relocation studied. Both of their husbands have since received honorable discharges and are now semi-retired. Neither subject has since lived outside of the U.S.

Mrs. Thompson3 had grown up in an Army family and had lived in Japan and France. She is the oldest of four children, having a sister six years younger, and twin brothers fourteen years younger than she is, thus feeling like an only child due to the number of years between them. Her husband, a Sergeant, was stationed in Germany with a PSYOP (Psychological Operations) company. She had made 15 prior moves. Due to the nature of his job with the intelligence community, the family was restricted from visiting Berlin and several neighboring countries. They have four children, three boys and one girl (their second child) who were ages seven, five, three and one years old at the time of their return.

Mrs. Jones is approximately 15 years older than Mrs. Thompson, the second of nine children, and though she was raised in a civilian family she and her family had traveled extensively prior her husband's transfer to Italy. In all, they had made 12 moves during the 20 years prior to their assignment to Italy. Her husband, an upper-ranking officer, traveled extensively between Italy, Greece and Turkey. While the family was economically better able to travel, there were countries in which Mr. Jones was unable to travel due to his rank and the high security clearances which he held. Their daughter was 17 years old upon their return to the U.S.

While the German and Italian cultures are dramatically different, is was interesting that both subjects related experiencing many of the same stressors in the months shortly after reentry. One such stress was that of expectations of returning to family members in the U.S.

Mrs. Thompson's family was relocated to an Army base in Arizona where her parents had retired. Having not seen them for several years, she looked forward to sharing many family activities with them. As she was an adult, she expected to be treated as such, but felt that she was instead treated as a child. She related a terrible fight she had with them which caused them to not see each other for several months, and led to strained communications for several years afterwards.

As the cost of international telephone calls was quite high and writing extensive letters so time-consuming, Mrs. Jones had greatly looked forward to sharing her adventures with her mother, her older sister, and her many other relatives. She longed for the opportunity to tell them of all the wonderful places she had visited and the many things she had experienced with her family. Instead, she was hurt and disappointed to find that none of her family members really wanted to hear her stories, saying, "They were wrapped-up in their own lives and didn't really want to hear about mine. . . ." As a result, she felt alienated from those to whom she most looked to for support and affirmation.

Dismaying to both subjects upon their return was the day-to-day dress of Americans. Mrs. Thompson had grown accustomed to the formalities of German society and recalled how several months went by after their return before she realized that she didn't have to wear a dress and fix her hair to go shopping. "In Germany, one always looks 'presentable' when in public, especially in the downtown areas," she said.

Similarly, they both felt they understood, and perhaps even agreed with the concept of the "ugly American," describing how many Americans disrespect the local culture not only through their dress, but through their loud and arrogant behavior. Ironically, just as Germans and Italians alike are reported to admire the material wealth of Americans, neither culture feels particularly endeared toward those Americans who disregard the local culture.

Most Germans and Italians, especially the younger ones, speak some amount of English and will even appreciate the opportunity to practice it. If an American attempts to speak the native tongue, their cultural sensitivity is usually rewarded by a foreigner speaking far better English. The nationals may understand English perfectly, but will sometimes refuse to communicate without first seeing some effort on the American's part.

Unfortunately, this conscientiousness can provide the basis for awkward situations for repatriates, as they initially respond to routine phrases in the language of their overseas home. For several months after her return, Mrs. Jones continued to respond to "thank you" with the Italian word "prego," meaning "you're welcome." To make matters even more difficult, when dealing with Hispanics (who are closely related to the Italians racially), she unconsciously and automatically addressed them in Italian.

Various cultures may demonstrate the same values through totally opposite behaviors. Mrs. Thompson explained that German men show respect for a woman by opening the door for her, and then entering first to make sure the establishment is suitable for the lady instead of allowing her to enter first as is customary in America. Mrs. Jones relates how chrysanthemums are widely used to celebrate football games in America, but that they are only used to signify a death and the families mourning in Italy.

In addition to norms of dress, Mrs. Thompson tells of the time she and her husband were shopping. Since they always tried to respect the native culture, they could not imagine why many kept staring at her so they finally asked. They were informed that pregnant women who were showing as much as she was were not seen in public and that it was the relatives responsibility to do the shopping and take care of errands for her. Such a strict code (by American standards) is difficult to adjust to, and, to leave behind. Her daughter, who was five years old when they left Germany and is now 17, wears skirts and dresses almost exclusively. The Italians are also more conscientious than many Americans. Mrs. Jones parroted Mrs. Thompson's sentiments of disgust and embarrassment upon returning home. Both viewed American styles of dress as immodest, disrespectful and inappropriate in a broad variety of settings.

Awareness and sensitivity to the local culture was cited by both as critical. They each attempted to learn as much as possible about their host country, and grew to have a great appreciation for their foods, music, traditions, and language. Just as Mrs. Jones cooks a great many Italian dishes for her family, Mrs. Thompson enjoys preparing German dishes.

Typical of many military families, the military member of the household handles much of the paperwork (e.g., passports, insurance forms, and move itineraries) through various base offices, but it falls on the shoulders of their spouses to deal with much of the workload surrounding their move back. Chores such as the preliminary sorting and packing of household goods are oftentimes left to the civilian spouse, in addition to the responsibility of physically and emotionally taking care of the children.

As they were being transferred from an overseas tour of duty to a "stateside" military base, Mrs. Thompson's family was immediately placed at the top of the base housing list and was able to secure quarters in only three days. She laughs as she recalls how badly she wanted her first meal back to be at a nice, classy restaurant--but the children won and they instead dined at McDonald's.

Mrs. Jones also listed logistical issues as major stressors, but her reentry was quite different story. Since her husband's new job was not at or near an army base, the three of them lived in a camper, later moving into the garage apartment of some friends for four months while they waited on their house to be built. They did not receive their household goods for almost five months after their reentry.

Not only did the tight living-accommodations make them miserable, but the camper they initially lived in had no air conditioning; in August and September of that year, the temperature in Dallas ranged from a low of 85 degrees to a daytime high of over 110 degrees. These circumstances became so physically and emotionally difficult for them, that Mrs. Jones and her daughter took a one-month "vacation" and visited relatives who had air conditioning in their homes.

As the school year began for Mrs. Jones's daughter, an additional hassle was shopping for school clothes, as she still had only two suitcases of them. This proved frustrating as she had grown used to more luxurious clothing (including silks, wools and furs) at the tremendously lower European prices.

To her dismay, clothing which she felt was acceptable in quality, modest enough in style, and fashionable in Europe was either unavailable or was as much as 10 times as expensive. A $5 scarf was now $45, and a sheepskin coat which was $75 overseas was now offered for $750 and was rapidly becoming "politically incorrect." In Dallas, which likes to consider itself to be the high-fashion capital of the South, she found that she was consistently overdressed in garments that shouted "conspicuous consumption" or "cruelty to animals" to her peers. Experiences such as these are indeed stressful on a sensitive young girl, trying to fit in to a new school in her senior year of high school.

From the developmental model, one might conclude that to a degree, the difficulties experienced by Mrs. Jones's daughter were influenced not simply by her older age at the time of repatriation, but that the timing of the move disrupted the critical emotional support networks provided by peers during the difficult years of high school. Mrs. Jones's daughter travelled extensively during those four years, gaining many intercultural experiences in some 10 other countries; but these experiences were in the role of a vacationer and not a longer term resident of the other countries.

Similar in effect to the physical separation from her husband experienced by Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Thompson's husband began a series of TDY (temporary duty) assignments shortly after their arrival in Arizona. Due to these factors, both women reported that the frequency of sexual relations with their husbands became almost non-existent, but insisted that this was due to the demands and separation caused by their husband's jobs, as opposed to the stresses of the move or reentry. For them, the most difficult aspect of this was the lack of intimacy and emotional bonding which they both missed and which would have aided them in dealing with other stressors.

It is significant that the cognitive preparation for reentry was distinctly different, and may be responsible for the different perception of reentry difficulties. Mrs. Jones consistently reported higher on applicable topics from The Hassles Scale,4 whereas Mrs. Thompson cited most of the same "hassles" but at a much lower level.

In this researcher's opinion, this may be attributable to the personalities involved as Mrs. Jones seemed to be much more sensitive to her own needs and feelings, and, those of the people around her. Nevertheless, it was interesting to note that Mrs. Jones focused largely on the cultural differences, whereas Mrs. Thompson tended to focus more on cultural similarities.

This was especially true in Mrs. Thompson's case as she prepared her children for reentry. She and her husband intentionally decided to focus on the similarities so as not to unduly frighten her children. They were curious how their children would adjust to round doorknobs and sliding windows as opposed to the lever-type doorknobs and roll-out windows of Germany. To their surprise, the children had no problems and in fact, seemed to enjoy the novelty.

Neither of the subjects reported any anger at having to return to the U.S., but both reported feelings of homesickness for their overseas locations. When asked where they considered "home" to be, both felt that home was wherever their family was. They each miss not having more of a "home town" to return to, but have adjusted to, and learned to appreciate so many other peoples and places that the transient lifestyles are seen as a worthwhile tradeoff.

In spite of all the hassles and heartaches, the fact remains that these women are survivors. In the words of a popular World War II era song, "We did it before and we can do it again. . . ." They've changed cultures before and are likely to go through the joys and stresses over and over throughout their lives. Most notably, they realize that "Home is where the heart is," and their hearts have an entire world to share and explore.

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1 Salmon, J. L. (1987). The Relationship of Stress and Mobility to the Psychosocial Development and Well-Being of Third-Culture-Reared Adults. Unpublished doctoral dissertation, Florida State University, Gainesville, FL.
2 Brislin, R. W., et al. (1986). Intercultural Interactions: A Practical Guide. Sage, Beverly Hills, CA.
3 All names have been changed to protect the anonymity of the subjects.
4 Salmon, J. L.